Parents Say the Darndest Things

On my most recent visit my parents took me to their favorite Chinese restaurant. We sat around the table, our stomachs ready to pop from all the food, and eyed the requisite fortune cookies. Who would be the first? See, with my family, there are rules for just about everything. Even when eating Chinese food.

Rule Number One: Each person must read their fortune aloud.

Okay, it’s been a while since I was home, but I’ll play along. I read mine. “Sing everyday and chase the mean blues away.” Little Mom pipes up, “In bed.” I glance at her. She smiles serenely. My sister reads hers. “Keep your eyes open. You never know what you might see.” My family says, “In bed.” The giggles start. Then Little Mom reads hers. “You will achieve all your desires and pleasures…in bed.” By this time I think my concerns for their sanity must be showing on my face. Finally my dad has his in hand, glances at me and announces that surely I must remember the other rule. Um, no, but I’m really wondering if my family members have lost it. Then I’m swiftly reminded of the second rule.

Rule Number Two: When reading the fortune we must always add the words ‘In Bed’ to the end.

My parents, who have celebrated over fifty years of marriage, hold hands, share a secret smile and giggle. They then asked for more fortune cookies to demonstrate their point.

Soon, a visitor shall delight you…in bed.
You will be rewarded for your patience and understanding…in bed.
It’s kind of fun to do the impossible…in bed.
You will be successful in your work…in bed.
You are a person of strong sense of duty…in bed.
It’s never too late to learn…in bed.
You will be happy with your spouse…in bed.
You will have a good fast car…in bed.
Good fortune is never late as long as it comes…in bed.

I’m sure you get the picture and can finish this one for yourself.

Whoosh! And here I thought I’d have to skirt around the hot scenes in my novel KNIGHT DREAMS.

My darling parents, non-digital readers, waited to read KNIGHT DREAMS. Finally! The print release came out this August. Granted, I don’t write Erotica, but I have to admit that I was a little skittish for my parents to read the hotter scenes. My anxiety levels increased when they proudly mentioned that several of their church friends are excited to read the book. Little Mom sat down and raced through it from cover to cover. She looked up at me and with that smile of hers, said, “Darling, we were young once. And besides, where do you thing you came from?” My dad hollers from his chair where he has been reading his own copy, “We had a good time practicing too. Still do.” Without missing a beat they say together, “Rule Two: Always add ‘In Bed’ at the end of your fortune. You’ll be glad you did.”

Oh lord, did they really say that? Judging by their Cheshire grins, I’d say yes, yes they did.